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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Movie Thoughts: The Dark Knight Rises

 By J.R. Wagner

This is a collection of my thoughts about The Dark Knight Rises.  It is not a review. It is loaded with spoilers so if you haven't seen the film and have any intention of seeing the film I suggest not continuing.

The movie opens with a bunch of men on an airplane.  There are several captive men with hoods over their faces so I knew immediately that Bane was one of them.  Big shocker.

Alpha, the Doberman from 'Up'
What I wasn't expecting was that ridiculous sound to come out of his mouth (mask).  Immediately, I thought of the Pixar film, Up. If you aren't familiar with the film, all the dogs wear collars that allow them to speak. The lead bad-dog is a doberman. He's big and very tough looking but has a high, girly voice.

Below I have two video clips. One from Up and one from The Dark Knight Rises. 

25 seconds in

11 seconds in

Throughout the movie we have to listen to that.  Am I setting the tone for the film?

The premise of the movie is that Bane comes to Gotham to get his hands on Wayne Enterprise's nuclear fision reactor and, with the push of a few buttons, turns it into an atomic bomb that he then uses to hold the entire city hostage.

Sounds plausible, right? I mean, it must be easy to turn a reactor for a power plant into a bomb, right?  And they're always portable aren't they?  Why make something that...I don't know...WOULDN'T fit inside a TRUCK?

Another brilliant aspect to this entire premise is the fact that only the folks at Wayne Enterprise know where this reactor is located.  I seem to recall an agency that regulates these kinds of things and MAY have liked to know about Wayne's reactor.  Oh well...it's Gotham, right?

So Alpha, I mean Bane somehow manages to pull off this ridiculous plan, convinces Gotham to turn against their civil servants while simultaneously trapping nearly all of the Gotham police force underground.  Because it's always a good idea to send every cop you have into the sewers on a search and rescue mission.

And then there is Bruce Wayne.  Played once again by one of my least favorite actors, Christian Bale.  Batman/Wayne gets into a fight with Bane that ends poorly for the billionaire. In typical Hollywood fashion, Bane snaps Wayne's back over his knee (yep, that's possible) rendering him immobile.  Then takes him to a special prison somewhere in sub-Saharan Africa (did I mention there is less than a month before the bomb explodes automatically) where he is left to die.

Miraculously! Wayne recovers from this spinal injury WITHOUT the help of doctors by hanging himself from a rope (brilliant!). Once healed, he has to get himself into good enough shape to climb out of the pit (special prison), which requires days...perhaps weeks of intense training (remember the bomb?  less than 30 days).  Amazingly, Wayne gets into shape, climbs up the pit but falls and the only thing to catch him is a rope tied around his waist...but falling from 60 feet to a dead stop from a rope tied around your waist wouldn't damage your spine would it?  Nah.

Again he trains (30 days til boom) and again he tries to climb and again he falls. (no luck, this guy). Finally he makes it out (because he's batman) and where is he?  Sub-Saharan Africa...in the middle of nowhere. Yet somehow he manages to find transportation back to Gotham (all before the bomb explodes).  No suspending reality there, right?

Back in Gotham...

A small band of rebels is trying to supplant the rule of Bane by disabling the bomb yet they are thwarted at every turn.  Eventually, when all seems lost.  When time is ticking down on the bomb.  When the end is near, who shows up?  You guessed it! Batman (Oh yeah, Catwoman too).

Together they fight to turn off the bomb but alas, their efforts fail and Batman must fly his Bat plane (I think Christopher Nolan borrowed the design from the guys who made The Matrix.) with the bomb attached by a cable as far away from Gotham as possible (at this point, I think there are about 30 seconds left on the clock.

So the noble Bruce Wayne takes his bat-plane out to see with the bomb attached where it explodes saving the city!

Go Wayne!
Wait...there is one small problem. Ain't no way the bomb was far enough away to not create a nuclear fallout that would take millions of lives.  Six miles may be the minimum safe distance from the blast, but the fallout MSD is much, much further (30 miles) (look at these military videos if you don't believe me!)

So the audience thinks Batman is dead (and I was hoping).  A small side note, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a cop.  Nolan makes it obvious that he will have a part in the future and I was okay with the idea of his character taking up the Batman mantle because Bruce is dead.


He isn't dead!

And the cop's real name: Robin

Robin??  Really.

The franchise has jumped the shark...again

New from J.R. Wagner...

A tale of perseverance, strength and redemption.
Coming soon.

To purchase Exiled, bid on the movie rights, hire me as a writer for the next Blade Runner film, the next Star Wars film...for updates on the soon-to-be-released novella(pictured above), book 2 updates, for videos, fan art, contests and more awesomeness, visit my website!

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