Why Ridley Scott should let me direct Blade Runner 2 (part 2)

By J.R. Wagner

I know..It's about time, right?!

30th anniversary Blu-Ray combo pack!

For those not following from the beginning, there are two previous posts that should help clarify where I am coming from.

1. Prometheus from the Alien super-fan's perspective
2. Why Ridley Scott MUST let me direct Blade Runner 2

To quickly summarize, I've determined that I am not the best choice to direct the project however I am more than qualified to join the writing team. So, moving forward...

Have you watched the original Blade Runner lately?

I have.

I noticed something right away. Despite being the holy grail of sci-fi films, the pace of Blade Runner is slow.  Very slow. Almost to the point of being intolerable. Certainly to the point that younger audiences would probably change the channel after about five minutes. Yes, it is that slow.

While it may seem like I've been dragging my butt to write this post (this is partly true), in my defense, I've been brainstorming between posts.  Do I write a new, fresh screenplay with the same plot, characters and premise OR do I delve into the prequel/sequel arena.

Being fully aware of how terribly wrong prequels based on films not originally written with a prequel in mind (Prometheus, Star Wars -need I say more) I tend to shy away from the prequel.

But...but...there is mention of a storyline that would make great prequel fodder. AND the film is based on a book, which gives depth where a screenplay generally lacks. So against my better judgement, I believe a film set chronologically before Blade Runner (I'd actually like to over-lap just a tad) will be successful.

The storyline I speak of? 

This is the opening title sequence from Blade Runner:

Opening crawl from the movie:

Early in the 21st Century, THE TYRELL CORPORATION advanced Robot evolution into the NEXUS phase -- a being virtually identical to a human -- known as a replicant. The NEXUS 6 Replicants were superior in strength and agility, and at least equal in intelligence, to the genetic engineers who created them. Replicants were used Off-world as slave labor, in the hazardous exploration and colonization of other planets. After a bloody mutiny by a NEXUS 6 combat team in an Off-world colony, Replicants were declared illegal on earth -- under penalty of death. Special police squads -- BLADE RUNNER UNITS -- had orders to shoot to kill, upon detection, any trespassing Replicants.

Notice the bold type?  THAT is where we go.

The opening sequence looks something like this: 

We are going to interchange shots of the 'birth' of the NEXUS-6 combat team with shots of the very same androids turning on their human overseers.  So from the gate, we set a fast pace, gain some perspective on the characters and  introduce a new look for the film. None of this Prometheus/Alien crap where we attempt to cross over set design, costumes etc...none of that nonsense.

We will first focus on Roy Batty, the main bad ass android played by Rutger Hauer in the original.

Rutger Hauer as 'Roy'

Chris Hemsworth

 I think it is important -nigh essential to cast someone completely different than Rutger Hauer in this role. Since I recently watched The Avengers, I've got Chris Hemsworth on my brain. I know he can act beyond a super-hero (see the opening sequence from the new Star Trek film) so...congratulations, Chris, you've just been cast as Roy Batty in the new Blade Runner film written by J.R. Wagner (because writers so often have a say in the casting). Welcome aboard, Chris!


I realize this shot is eye-candy for some of y'all, however understand the NEXUS-6 are androids and therefore physically perfect.

Here. More clothes.

Why Ridley Scott MUST let me direct Blade Runner 2

By J.R. Wagner

To understand where I am coming from you need to read my post:

Prometheus from an Alien super-fan's perspective

 It is worth a look just for the humor -seriously.

Onward.

What gives me the right to say I should be chosen as director of Ridley Scott's mystery Blade Runner project?

How do I even know about this project?  Well, I simply stumbled upon it while looking up Scott's directorial credits on IMDB.  

The Mysterious Blade Runner Project!

Back to what gives me the right to suggest I should even be considered as director of the film.

Answer: Nothing.

I have no directorial credits to my name. I don't even know how to use a camera. I don't even know what a key grip is (I see it all the time in movie credits but have no clue what it is).

Actually, I don't want to direct Blade Runner Re-born (for lack of a better title).

That being said, I don't want Ridley Scott to direct BRR (that's Blade Runner Re-born for my slower readers) either. 

Let me be clear. Mr. Ridley Scott is a god in the film world (as he should be).  Until Prometheus, I would have been stoked about BRR but now I'm just afraid that another great story with all the potential in the world will be destroyed.  I'm going to mention another film god. George Lucas.  Why am I mentioning George Lucas? 3 reasons. Star Wars Episode I, Star Wars Episode II and Star Wars Episode III.  Bad, worse and a complete abomination. 

George Lucas...in carbonite.

Ridley Scott is on the precipice of a disaster of Star Wars proportions.  Will he be known as the great director or will he be known as the director who didn't know when to hand over the reins until it was too late?

I wouldn't have bothered writing this if I didn't have a solution in mind.  And, of course, I do. Here it is:

First, fire the director.  Wait, that's Ridley Scott isn't it?  Well, yeah. If he want's to see his baby rise to a level worthy of the original, he will need to let go.  He can be executive producer -or something like that.

Second, hire J. J. Abrams to direct.  Why Abrams? Three words: Star Trek and (the and doesn't count) Lost. Abrams successfully steered the Star Trek franchise out of the ever-swirling toilet of despair where films like the Star Wars prequels, Prometheus, Dredd, Total Recall (the new ones) and many other re-makes and sequels (or prequels) die horrible deaths. Star Trek is a phenomenal movie for more reasons than I will get into. Why is Lost relevant? You'll see.

Third, fire the writers. Based on the IMDB post, Scott is in talks with Hampton Fancher - one of the writers of the original screenplay (along with David Peoples).  I've got nothing against Mr. Fancher, who has a writing and acting resume longer than my first novel other than the fact that he was involved in the first Blade Runner.  We need fresh minds! Directors, writers, actors -the whole deal!

Fourth, hire new writers. So who are we hiring as writers? Two people, actually. The first is Damon Lindelof. Yes, I am aware Lindelof was a writer for Prometheus (one of several so I can't blame him PLUS it was Scott's baby). I am also aware that Lindlof wrote for Lost -there it is again...Lost, Star Trek (the new one) and some other great stuff. The second writer is J.R. Wagner.  Hmm -that name sounds familiar.  Damn right it does! I want in! And in my next post, I'll tell you why I deserve to be in...actually, I'll show you.

Abrams

Prometheus from an Alien super-fan's perspective

by J. R. Wagner

Warning: Spoilers. Lots of 'em.

Second Warning: I'm a writer, not a movie reviewer. Oh and this is a bit lengthy -but the humor and obscure movie references make up for it!

Now that that is out of the way...

Prometheus

The moment I caught wind of this film on the horizon and that it was to be a prequel to Alien -directed by none other than Ridley Scott (director of Alien among numerous other awesome films -and a few not-so-awesome), I was a giddy as a schoolgirl.

I am an Alien fanatic.  The second one was cool, the rest don't exist as far as I'm concerned. The original though -pure genius!

Isn't this hilarious?!

Now,

we all know what happens when a big-time director tries to reinvent or add to one of their previous films *cough George Lucas* -disaster. Despite this knowledge, because it has been 33 years and because Scott has directed more than one franchise and because many of his films were quite good, I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

When I heard the premise (thank you IMDB), I began to become concerned...

A team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.

And for good reason. The unnecessarily over-reaching plot felt like a waste.  We went from stumbling upon bad-ass monsters that could destroy planet earth to involving the origins of our species.  Huh? Is that necessary?

To the film..

The first half-hour or so delves into the whole origins of mankind premise and I quickly got the impression that this sub-plot of human origins was nothing but a distraction.  Unfortunately, I was proved correct.  Could this REALLY be the ONLY reason a group of humans would do some intergalactic traveling? (Think Star Trek) Of course not.  So why did Scott decide to throw in human origins into the mix?  Ego perhaps?  Addressing the question to end all questions is a tall order in and of itself.  To haphazardly add it to the plot is somewhat insulting and more than somewhat annoying.

So we are half an hour +/- into the film, the ship is on its way...oh, by the way, there is an android on board, oh and by the way, there are many, many things -set design, technology, costumes that look and feel almost EXACTLY like Alien.  I can't say why but I found this irritating -like he was trying TOO hard to point out the fact that the two films are related. We get it.

The visual effects are first-class however the casting leaves much to be desired. It felt, once again like he was trying TOO hard to parallel Alien by having the diverse crew -each with their own unique personality traits, which seemed forced and irritating unlike the original film.  By the time the first character dies, you, as a viewer, don't care about him.  Scott should have spent less time with his stupid origins of human life sub-plot and focus more on character development.
Even the main character, Shaw -very Sigourney Weaver-esque appears to be trying too hard to be Sigourney Weaver. Below are too shots, one of Weaver and one of the main character, Noomi Rapace.  Look similar? Scott must have a thing for low-cut women's underwear.

Sigourney Weaver in Alien

Noomi Rapace in Prometheus

The problem with Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace's character IE main character) is that she is too one-dimensional.  Again that damn origins plot wasted time that could be spent trying to get us to like this character. She is in a relationship -which has a strange, almost forced feel to it, with a man who, in short order is infected by the evil android (Evil android, just like Alien.) and starts having a nasty reaction.  When he dies, I didn't care. Worse still, I don't believe Elizabeth Shaw (main character) cared either (despite the man dying from voluntary immolation right before her very eyes-I think I would have opted to remove my helmet and die of C02 poisoning -much less painful but hey, it's all about the drama, right?)

It gets even better! Shaw's boyfriend, while infected with the alien virus (or whatever) impregnates Shaw with (guess) yes...an alien.  Just like Alien 3 which isn't even Scott's film!

One ugly baby!

Before I continue my linear tirade, I need to address one thing -one character, actually (two actually) played by Charlize Theron. Her character, Meredith, is a tough, no-nonsense woman. In fact, she is more similar to Ripley (Sigourney Weaver's character in Alien) than Rapace.  It is almost as if they didn't cast Theron as the main character because she was TOO similar to Sigourney Weaver and, as a result, wasted her talent on another one-dimensional, forgettable character who is arguably completely unnecessary.

Okay, if you're still here, stick with me...we've got Elizabeth Shaw (Played by Noomi Rapace, the main character) a a shadowy reflection of Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver's character in Alien) and Meredith Vickers (played by Charlize Theron) a near mirror image of Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver's character in Alien) together in the same film.  Confused?

Scott's move to cast Theron, well known for playing a bad-ass, as a bad (yet not compelling whatsoever) guy (gal) and Rapace, a relative unknown actress as the bad-ass protagonist is confusing at best.  Irritating, more accurately.

AND, +/- 31 minutes into the film, we know that Theron's character is in cahoots with the android. Then +/- 32 minutes into the film, we know a large corporation privately funded the operation and has final say on all decisions made during the mission.  Sound familiar?  Alien, Aliens...The Company -really?  Scott brought back The Company? 

It gets better -the company owner is actually on the ship and has, quite possibly the most unconvincing old man makeup I've seen in a big-budge Hollywood film. Ever.

Yes, this is it.  It looks like a cross between Darth Sidious from Star Wars and Biff from Back to the Future II.

Sidious

Biff

Getting back on track.  Shaw (main character) is now pregnant with an alien baby. Evil android wants to put Shaw ( main character) in chrio-freeze for the ride home. Shaw (main character) decides the little fella needs to come out so she beats up two medical personnel, runs about twenty feet down the hall to a surgical chamber thingy and gives herself (by controlling the surgical thingy) a Cesarian section and removes the squid (it looks EXACTLY like a squid).

Surgical Chamber Thingy

Two things are comical about this sequence. First, in the amount of time she spends performing this operation I could have run up and down the hallway from the place she escaped to the surgical chamber thingy about fifty times -yet nobody comes to stop her.
Second, the surgical chamber thingy is nice enough to apply Betadine to the area before making the incision but, for reasons unknown (if you're an Aliens fan, you chuckled at that phrase) it didn't bother giving her any anesthesia. Shaw (main character) injects herself with something I'm assuming we are meant to believe is a mild anesthetic however the amount of screaming that takes place during the surgery would suggest otherwise.

On a miraculous note, Shaw (main character) is able to get up and run immediately after the procedure (that didn't give her anesthetic).

Game time. Which one is the baby alien?

Baby alien or squid?

Squid or baby alien?

Shaw (main character) spends the remainder of the movie running at full speed (although occasionally bending over clutching at the incision area to remind us stupid viewers that she's just had a ten inch incision cut into her abdominal wall)

So Biff/Darth Sidious decides to go talk to the only living alien on the alien ship (oh yeah, there is an alien ship! Not to be too confusing but there are two aliens -the humanoid aliens who Shaw (main character) thinks are linked to the origins of our species -yeah, that BS plot line and some half-assed version of the Alien aliens.) who is built like Arnold Schwarzenegger and has the complexion of Lord Voldamort.

I'll be back...

Nice pecs, buddy!

You could use some vitamin D!

Then, Shaw (main character) Biff (not his real name) and the evil android go wake the alien up (he's been asleep for two thousand years or there about so he is very, very cranky).  Mr. Cranky Pants kills Biff, rips the head off the evil android (JUST LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO ASH IN ALIEN AND...AND BISHOP IN ALIENS (sorta -he gets ripped in half but it's close) AND ALIEN 3 ) and, for some odd reason, decides to ignore Shaw (main character) completely.

What the!

Is there a breeze in here?

Not again!

She (Shaw (main character)) runs away (this is where she feigns abdominal pain every once in a while) and manages to escape as the humanoid alien starts to lift off the ship with intentions on heading toward Earth.  We don't exactly know WHY it is bent on taking a cargo hold full of Alien alien DNA (essentially a WMD) to Earth and I can't even recall which character told Shaw (main character) this was the deal (and I watched the movie less than 12 hours ago -left quite an impression) but it is and now she must find a way to stop it.

Rewind a few minutes -Shaw (main character) and the captain, who looks similar enough to Parker from Alien (the original) to be worthy of eye-rolling, agree that they will do whatever it takes to prevent the ship from going to Earth (kind of like in Alien, Aliens, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection -even though the last two don't exist).

I was here first!

Daddy?

Back on track.

So the captain rams into the alien ship incapacitating it and destroying his ship, himself and all of the remaining crew save Theron, who escape-pods her way off the ship. Captain is also nice enough to jettison part of the ship that has life-sustaining supplies and Shaw (main character) on foot and still only minutes past major abdominal surgery manages to jump over a gap in the ground that must be 40-50 feet wide (don't worry, the director is kind enough not to show how she manages this feat...he leaves it up to our imagination)

See the gaps? They're widening!

A quick cut away and BAM, Shaw (main character) has cleared the gap and is now side by side with Theron (apparently escape pods only travel about ten feet from their mother-vehicles).  In stupid sci-fi fashion, the pair find themselves running from the downed alien ship which has up-ended and is now rolling (an impossibly ridiculous feat of physics) toward them and they must run to avoid being squished like a bug.

Yup, it landed just like that. CRASH LANDED.

Sadly, Theron's one-dimensional butt doesn't make it and (again sadly) Shaw (main character) does.

Wait! It isn't over. The humanoid Voldenegger alien is pissed, climbs out of his ship and goes after Shaw (main character) -but not before the evil android head, now not so evil warns Shaw (main character) that Voldenegger is coming, giving Shaw (main character) enough time to return to the part of the ship (It could be that rover thing, I really don't care at this point) with life sustaining supplies AND, as luck would have it, the surgical chamber thingy!

Hooray, the Surgical Chamber Thingy

This is a good thing because Shaw (main character) thought she killed baby alien/squid BUT when Voldenegger comes to kill her (so much for being a more civilized race) she opens the hatch and viola, squid-o has grown from 6" to about twelve FEET in length.

Look out, Voldenegger!